Rétablir le contact

Elle mit quelques semaines avant d’oser tenter de le rejoindre. Elle ne désirait pas paraître s’accrocher. Son cœur était touché, mais il lui semblait évident qu’elle avait intérêt à ne pas le montrer. D’autant qu’elle était incapable de se justifier. Elle ignorait encore ce qu’elle voulait de lui. Hormis bien entendu quelques plaisirs charnels, mais c’était accessoire. En surface elle ambitionnait de régler cette affaire tout en sauvant les apparences. Après tout il l’avait tout de même humiliée ! Elle n’y attachait que très peu d’importance, mais ça faisait désordre.
Au fond, c’était moins clair. Avant tout elle voulait rétablir le contact. Ce qu’il cachait l’intéressait, et pour l’apprendre elle était prête à faire beaucoup de compromis. Elle avait essayé de ne plus y penser, mais n’avait pu y réussir. Au moins elle devait essayer de comprendre ce qui chez ce garçon lui avait fait un tel effet.

Lui l’avait presque oubliée. Sa vie sentimentale était à cette époque assez désordonnée, et il avait parfois du mal à coller un prénom sur le visage de celles avec qui il sortait. Leurs quelques rendez-vous n’avaient été en somme qu’une aventure passagère. De plus le rôle qu’il avait joué n’avait rien eu de très glorieux — il n’était donc guère surprenant qu’il eût préféré l’occulter.
Son oubli cependant eut l’avantage de l’empêcher de paniquer quand il la reconnut. Le temps que son prénom lui revienne en mémoire, il fut forcé de lui répondre sur un ton léger. Consciente de son avantage, elle sourit discrètement de son inconséquence, lui demanda de ses nouvelles, avant de s’excuser de n’avoir pas trouvé le temps plus tôt de l’appeler ou de passer le voir… Elle avait eu mille choses à faire, et espérait qu’il ne lui tenait pas rigueur de l’avoir négligé !
En lui un voyant rouge s’alluma. Où avait-elle pêché qu’il avait besoin d’elle ? Et aussitôt il s’en voulut de son ingratitude. Il ne lui devait rien, mais elle ne méritait pas pour autant son mépris ! Sans doute était-ce lui le plus méprisable des deux ! Et puisque malgré tout elle était amicale… Puisqu’elle semblait avoir oublié qu’il s’était plutôt mal conduit avec elle… Il pouvait au moins lui faire croire qu’elle était à ses yeux aussi importante qu’elle se l’imaginait !
Négligeant la question qu’elle lui avait posée, il lui dit qu’elle semblait avoir beaucoup changé. En tout cas il était heureux de la revoir ! Elle lui avait manqué ! Puis il la convia à sortir boire un verre — ce qui évidemment signifiait qu’il voulait faire l’amour avec elle.
Sur le coup elle faillit perdre son assurance. Elle ne s’était pas attendue à ce qu’il réagisse si favorablement ! Devait-elle accepter ce qu’il sous-entendait ? Ne pouvait-elle pas profiter de sa docilité pour marquer quelques points ? Après tout, il l’avait quand même laissée tomber ! Elle se savait en droit de le lui reprocher.
Elle consulta sa montre, précisa qu’elle ne disposait que d’assez peu de temps, puis demanda s’il était sûr de pouvoir quitter son travail aussi facilement. L’inquiétude lui allait bien, et elle se dégageait ainsi d’une grande partie de sa responsabilité. Sans doute était-elle venue le chercher, mais maintenant c’était lui qui lui courait après ! Et puisqu’il insistait…
Crâneur, il répliqua que ce n’était pas grave, qu’il avait l’habitude de faire ce qu’il voulait, puis enjôleur il ajouta qu’elle avait bien un quart d’heure à lui consacrer… Depuis le temps qu’ils ne s’étaient pas vus ! Elle n’allait quand même pas l’abandonner si vite !
Elle fut un peu choquée par sa désinvolture, mais s’abstint de lui faire remarquer qu’il était seul responsable de leur séparation. Se mettant à sa place, elle devinait qu’il se trouvait dans une position plutôt inconfortable. L’occasion d’accorder leurs violons finirait bien par se présenter. Qu’il veuille la charmer était déjà flatteur. Elle n’était pas pressée d’en tirer des excuses. D’autant que celles-ci ne seraient pas sincères si elle le contraignait.
Allait-elle accepter de coucher avec lui ? Oui, bien sûr. Car après tout c’était en grande partie pour ça qu’elle était revenue… Mais pas immédiatement. Elle voulait d’abord s’assurer qu’il n’allait pas lui filer entre les doigts une fois de plus. Et puis se faire désirer n’avait rien de désagréable… Au moins ainsi elle était sûre de ne pas l’effrayer ! Il était le chasseur, elle n’était que la proie : les rôles maintenant se trouvaient inversés. À la limite elle pouvait même jouer la biche effarouchée ! Non. Là, c’était peut-être trop. Il ne la croirait pas. Et de toutes façons elle devait éviter de lui donner le sentiment d’une victoire facile. Sans doute n’aurait-il plus peur, mais il serait blasé : il fallait naviguer entre ces deux écueils.
Et puis elle n’avait pas menti. Elle n’avait réellement que peu de temps pour lui. Tout du moins aujourd’hui. Elle s’était ménagée cette porte de sortie en cas d’échec, et maintenant était forcée de respecter le programme qu’elle s’était imposée. En fin de compte ça valait mieux. Vu sa disposition d’esprit, ce délai allait sans doute l’exciter davantage. Au pire, s’il se décourageait, elle se verrait contrainte à renoncer. Plus vraisemblablement, elle attendrait quelques semaines supplémentaires, puis reviendrait à la charge. Pour l’instant l’échec paraissait improbable. S’il insistait suffisamment, elle pourrait se libérer pour la soirée. C’était dans les limites du faisable. Toutefois quelques jours de délai lui semblaient souhaitables. Qu’elle ait au moins le temps de réfléchir à la question. Et puis il méritait qu’elle le fasse marcher !
Ils s’installèrent au café et commencèrent à discuter. Il avait une envie folle de l’embrasser mais ignorait s’il y était autorisé. Il parla peu de lui, mais en revanche voulut savoir tout ce qu’elle avait fait. Elle l’informa très volontiers, mais rapidement elle s’aperçut qu’il ne l’écoutait pas. Il la couvait des yeux comme un gosse extasié. Elle débita quelques grossiers mensonges pour voir s’il réagissait, mais il continua à l’interroger sans même s’apercevoir de l’extravagance de ce qu’elle venait de dire. Elle résolut de ne plus lui répondre, et inquiète demanda s’il n’était pas temps qu’il retourne travailler.
Ça suffit à le dégriser. Il regarda sa montre, et dit qu’effectivement… Mais ils ne pouvaient pas se quitter comme ça ! Il voulait la revoir ! Il fallait tout de suite qu’ils prennent rendez-vous ! “ Pourquoi pas ? ” lui dit-elle, dissimulant sa joie. Qu’avait-il à lui proposer ?
Il réfléchit quelques instants, puis demanda si elle était libre pour le samedi suivant. Ils pourraient par exemple aller au cinéma… Près de chez lui passait un film qu’il tenait à revoir, et il était certain que cela lui plairait ! Il avait failli dire que jusque là ses soirées étaient prises, mais avait su se retenir…
Elle fut un peu déçue qu’il ne soit pas plus pressé, mais ne le montra pas. À son tour elle prit le temps de réfléchir, puis dit qu’à sa connaissance elle n’avait rien de prévu ce jour-là, et enfin elle convint que l’idée semblait bonne… Du moins si elle n’avait pas déjà vu le film en question ! Soudain cérémonieux il en donna le titre, puis ajouta qu’à son avis il s’agissait d’un véritable chef-d’œuvre ! “ Ah ! oui, répliqua-t-elle. Ça tombe bien ! Justement j’avais très envie d’aller le voir ! ” Ce qui n’était pas vrai, mais lui sembla gentil. En vérité, ce qu’elle avait surtout envie de voir, c’était son appartement. Elle n’y était jamais allée, et la proximité du cinéma l’amenait à penser qu’ensuite…
Restait qu’elle était vexée qu’il n’ait pas proposé un rendez-vous pour le soir même. Au moins elle aurait eu la joie de refuser. Elle qui voulait le faire marcher, c’était plutôt raté !
À nouveau il eut très envie de l’embrasser quand ils se séparèrent, mais dut se contenter de bises aseptisées. À défaut il la prit aux épaules d’un geste possessif, dont elle se dégagea sans paraître y penser. Puis il lui rappela le lieu et l’heure de leur rendez-vous, et insista qu’il comptait sur elle. Elle lui dit que c’était noté, qu’il n’avait pas à s’inquiéter, puis consulta sa montre, et l’informa qu’il avait quitté son travail depuis plus d’une demi-heure. Elle n’avait pas envie qu’il ait des ennuis à cause d’elle ! “ Déjà ! répliqua-t-il. Je n’ai pas vu le temps passer ! ” Enfin il s’en alla, après lui avoir fait un dernier compliment. Songeuse, elle attendit de voir la porte se fermer derrière lui avant de se diriger vers la station de métro la plus proche.

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