Perdu d’avance

« Rêve, rêve, rêve ta vie,,, »

Le ciel est incertain. Le besoin de souffrir se fait encore sentir, mais il est épuisé. Il vaut mieux renoncer à vouloir effacer la culpabilité. C’est un drame maussade, une épopée grotesque. Ce qui est arrivé était peut-être grave, mais c’était inutile, et surtout dérisoire. D’une inefficacité tout à fait ridicule. Quelle que soit la façon dont on le considère, il n’y avait absolument rien de bon à en attendre. Quand il aurait fallu jouer l’indifférence, et même la choisir sans arrière-pensée, je m’étais embarqué dans un combat perdu d’avance où chaque point gagné m’en faisait perdre dix, cent, mille… et même m’enlevait la possibilité de jouer. Alors pensez, gagner, c’était un autre monde, qui n’existait pas.

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