L’alpha et l’oméga

Ah si c’était ainsi, on pourrait en tailler, des masques en papier. S’il suffisait de dire : je suis le solitaire, l’alpha et l’oméga de la réalité. On s’assiérait ainsi, et on débiterait les rêves associés. Tous les mots attachés, les idées emboîtées, et tous les souvenirs qu’on aurait voulu fuir et qu’à présent on est pressé de retrouver.
Ah trouver un moyen de se remémorer. Pas seulement de dire, pas seulement de ressentir, mais le moyen d’y être, et d’essayer de réparer, de modifier ce qui n’aurait jamais dû être, de magnifier ce qui aurait mérité mieux.
Enfin quoi une sorte de mythomanie, mais une mythomanie qui aurait réussi. Une vie inventée meilleure que la vraie. Plus réelle que la vraie.
Car franchement ce qui est vraiment arrivé ne paye pas de mine. Sans parler de mérite, on peut au moins souhaiter un minimum d’esthétique.
Enfin je ne sais pas. Car j’ai aussi envie d’être plus scrupuleux, plus précis, plus austère. M’approcher au plus près de l’objectivité. Celle qui on le sait n’a jamais existé.


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